Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
