I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
