I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
