last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
