Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
