Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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