I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize