At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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