you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
