i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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