i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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