Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
