Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
