doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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