Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
