Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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