Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
