I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
