she smelled like a LAN party
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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