This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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