I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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