Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize