TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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