I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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