eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
