At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
