I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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