Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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