yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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