I hate all girls vehemently.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
