you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
