woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to be your penis for a week.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
