is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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