What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
