I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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