why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
