Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
