put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
