I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
