this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
