margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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