My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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