i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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