I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
