1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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