I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
