Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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