it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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