I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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