I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
