bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
