After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
