I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Welp...herpes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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