I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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