umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
