well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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