Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
