so explain again why im purple
no
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
