their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
