Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
