I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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