i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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