PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
