She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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