Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
