Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
