You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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