i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize