and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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